Infidelity

It starts out exciting…

The physical attraction, the secrecy, the taboo nature of meeting at different locations.

There’s not the reality of the dirty diapers, meetings, mowing the lawn, cooking dinner, and other responsibilities or obligations.

Being with someone who makes you feel different – a desire for a new experience.

Maybe it’s not physical, but emotional.

Sharing experiences and conversations that “no one else understands.” Disclosures about yourself and/or partner.

Sneaky texts, phone calls, emails, meeting over coffee, sitting at a park bench… allowing another person to emotionally know parts of you that you don’t allow your partner to know.

And it feels good – to be heard, agreed with, understood.

It takes you away from balancing the check book, buying groceries, and cleaning the house.

Infidelity is an emotional marital crisis.

Whether physical or emotional.

Couples who have experienced infidelity are more likely to divorce.

It is a frightening crisis for both partners. Dealing with the tsunami of emotions often leads to bitter battles that involve blame, resentment, abandonment, betrayal, and rejection.

“How did this happen?”

Healing from the wounds of infidelity takes time.

Recovery involves dedication to the process, from both partners – you’ll need to face the realities of the emotional turmoil you are experiencing.

Together, we’ll create safety to express natural responses in each partner (despair, anger, shame, ambivalence, and more). We’ll work to slow down immediate responses of blame, interrogations, excuses, and exhaustion.

You’ll gain a better understanding of the affair, and we’ll seek an understanding of the nature of the affair (emotional, physical, emotional that turned into physical).

We will explore the emotional consequences of the affair and seek an understanding of how the affair came to be. We will discuss the affair in effective ways that won’t further damage the relationship by aiming daggers at partners through words, but rather through authentic emotional engagement. We will work to gain an understanding that it takes courage to risk trusting again.

We’ll work to rebuild trust.

It’ll be a slow process, but rebuilding trust is a key component of the couple’s commitment and healing.

Expressing emotional needs and vulnerabilities are important to the recovery process, as it is often a sign of healing.

Partners will express compassion for the other and will be responsive to partner’s emotional experience. They will be available to their partner, and they will feel safe to express their own emotional experiences and have empathy for the other.

Affair-proof your relationship moving forward.

As couples gain resilience, we will focus on strengthening the relationship.

This involves clear discussions regarding expectations and standards, recognizing when partners are in danger of infidelity situations, and dealing with such situations swiftly and with integrity for both partners.

There’s no doubt that infidelity can devastate a marriage.

The statistics regarding infidelity and divorce are frightening. But it does not have to end your marriage.

It takes courage to wade through the quicksand of such a marital crisis. There is hope.

Call me today, and let’s restore trust to get your marriage back on track. (719) 649-6066